Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Happy Vday!

I'm counting...counting...the days we're apart. WARGGHH! gila lo..
^,< im okay ! Don't worry! I'm just a lil sick and dizzy.
ooo! lookieee!! Happy valentine day in advance! MWUACK! the bear moves! so Q~
I had a thought today. More like a day dream. I dreamed about me having some kind of serious sickness...
And I was about to die in the hospital.... LOL! choi choi choi! XD
So, the doc says I have only a few more weeks to live...
Then, everyone I know came to visit me...aww...so happy..
including you la of course...
I don't know why I have this dream, maybe i'm missing you too much I guess...
or maybe I fever until I have such nightmares.
All I get from this dream is to always cherish someone you loved, because life is so short.
Maybe tomorrow you and I will be gone...
And we wished we weren't apart for so long....wished we were....
together living our life with everyday that counts in the eyes of God...wished we..
have done better... or have done it differently...
or maybe someone you've hold grudges on him/her is gonna disappear all the sudden...
then you realize you should have ask for forgiveness and made some amendments
 if you're able to turn back the time...
hohohou.... sounds like a warning to not waste time emo-ing...




Thursday, January 20, 2011

13 days of heartbreaking truth...

What? Only 13days. Wuah... im struggling here like crazy.
As if I need some drugs to go through the day...
haih... Why is it so hard? You may sleep and forget about me tomorrow... but I can't.
 You're stuck on my mind.
Is not such a nice thing. To be in this situation. Even though my schedules are really really packed,
 time passes quickly too, but still whenever I stop for awhile and think of you it feels
 like we've been apart for so so long...
Why am I so tau fu...haih... * so , I googled a pix of a bear crying * very lame... but I got this! cute nia!!

*squeeze squeeze* haha! so chubby la.... *wipes tear*
I should sketch one tomorrow and try to cheer myself up...wee~

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Best days are ahead of me...

Owh! aaahh buu chakk! lalalala~ A new day with loads of homework to do... mwuahahah still got time to blog stuff. Here are the things that had happened.... Just today, I met a new friend.While I was doing my homework, she came to my table and started to talk. Awhh... *touched* fly fly~ It's just like whenever you needed company and you tell God that you felt lonely and then poooff~ someone even more talkative than me is starting a conversation with me...mohohohouu... sweet... that's why only get to finish up physics homework lo... as I was having fun chit-chatting with my new friend.

Then, wun wun surprised me with a question that goes like that,' do you pray at night '. And so I answered YES!
She asked me how do I do it. I told her that you can always talk to God like a normal friend and call Him papa...ops.. feel like its too much... But I was just sharing how I really pray to 'papa'... ^^ He's my Father in Heaven , a perfect papa indeed.

Long time I didn't practice what I've learned... not applying what God's word had thought me.. but God says
that it's never too late to get back on track. Never has anyone gone so far on the wrong path that they cannot return to the right one. Never has anyone become so wayward that they cannot benefit from the true light. 


true..true.. written in the Bible not once but a few times! See how long God's door is open wide for the sinners. He was waiting all along for you & me to repent and go His ways accordingly. 
mwuahhaahha... So, I'm gonna start by doing my devotions... hoh! hoh! hoh! Never had I miss devotions so consistently... lol...  ok! semangat! Lets study God's word... and share them to your neighbors!

I still feel pain actually. Still having a hard time to breathe. Tried to run away. Tired of waking up missing someone so much. Don't want to face it. With tears, I know I still have to walk through this road.
aiyah.. all this emo-ing makes my tummy grumble... hungry~~ eeeheeh!
I'll hold on to God's promises and continue to trust in Him that He had put so many people in my life for a reason. I have to let go and start anew! wheeeeheeh! =D




Tuesday, January 11, 2011

8.01.2011 litres of tears

oh sweet seventeen... feels like i'm being punished... I don't want this so much. I hardly get to sleep.
No need ya calls and concerns. No need a shoulder for comfort. There's no need any consolations from anyone.

It's like I don't have a choice. Haih... What a life...
I'm pushed to the edge. To a point where I no longer feel scared...
No emotions at all. I'm numb. I don't feel pain. I feel...nothing.
Nothing much to thank what others have done.
And I have not a single appreciation to show, simply because...
I don't get to see the GREAT impact of the everything they had supported me on making such decisions.
When people telling me.. Oh how well after that... telling me they see a better/clearer picture... *snoozed*
Wished I saw it too. But I really don't. Sorry for disagreeing. haha. Maybe later I'll see it and apologies to you again for disagreeing. I really respect what you have to say.

On the outside, I may look so okay with anything or everything.
Oh yes, I am truly like that. But I was wondering, does anyone care sometimes... what It'll make me feel.
Oh yes, I do it with a smile, covering up every heartache of mine. Sometimes, being my best really breaks my own heart but being at my worse breaks others. Holding on to the word of God. Put your priority as others first. Arghh!... failed...

It says that, it's better to have your own heart broken than to have no heart at all. Seeing others disappointments, disagreements and disapprovals without doing anything about it... I would be known as a person who doesn't have a heart at all... I must have a heart... but it cost so much, I'm trying to live with this here. So fed up. So tempted to be rebellious. Being in this kind of condition, how would I be able to care. I'm so sarcastic. I'm living my days like a hypocrite. Wearing only a mask. Haih...
Who doesn't want to be good? If it was so easy... err... it was never is... So, have to put in more effort in it.
Memorizing God's word is always a big big help! Its makes me think what God would have to say or how He would have reacted. That made me feel so proud to have known Him. =D To be able to serve in His temple even though i'm so evil, He was still faithful to me and welcomes me in.

Look here and there. Nobody is around. But I'm glad that ,dear Lord, has always been here by my side cheering me on and He's really a great listener. He never gets bored of hearing me complaint..lalalala... hah!
Love you , Jesus.

There must be tonnes of lovely encouragements and positive stuff to post about life. But thats it. I would be famous for being a liar to write only the ups in life. Just sharing my thoughts here.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

In such moments...

when you have to juggle school work, taking care of children, house chores and attending tuition classes all together in both hands. It just seems to me, I'm needing another pair of hands to juggle them well. I look to God, my eyes were wet and my heart was deeply troubled. I began to ask Him, dear Lord, tell me why do I have to go through this again? After all these years, have you not see me weep as though someone close to me had died? And I wonder is He ever working behind the scenes. I feel tired, my shoulders were heavy. My house, the one I used to call it 'home sweet home' isn't the place I want to be since I was a little girl.
Where can I go? What can I do about it? When will all this end?
Kids that I need to take care and handle is not so easy now. I am burden with so many responsibilities
which somehow aren't mine to be carried. What on earth are my parents demanding from me?
Isn't this burdensome enough for me? Where do I stand now? Am I anyhow your own flesh?
I cannot cry. I might get scolding for my sensitive feelings. I've tried my best and if this wasn't enough for you, I tell myself, 'just let it be this way'.
And yet others say that I'm not being helpful enough around in the house.
What can I say? Speak out some filthy words and show them how wrong they are?
Hello? I'm a Christian. I ain't suppose to do that. Even if I can, I'll choose not to.
Not wise , right? So? Do what about it?
Sit down and emo? hah... what's wrong with that eih? Pour it out to God and stay focus on Him.
The tongue is used to bless not curse others. Amen?
I told Him, 'Father, you always remind me that I'm Your beloved child through the Bible, sermons and Your people'. So, I ask for strength to persevere on to be even a better daughter of His creation.
I just went into my room. I shut the door. I sang some worship songs and played my guitar.
I felt and immense relief. As like the day is gonna be fine.
A call came, my brother in Christ just randomly called me and ask how am I doing so far.
I told him I was not okay. He said that he would find others to pray for me.
I'm glad someone just pop in and show me he cares. It feels like Jesus just gave me a call.
Later, I lay down on my bed and slept for awhile.
I on facebook and see what God's message today. heehee! He says...
that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Trust in God that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be. Just as a child has to pass through a tiny channel on its way from the womb into life, so are you on your way to God.

Amazing! I am where I'm meant to be. This road I'm on, nobody understands because it is determine by God.
I'm His child, and I have to pass through this narrow pathway to find out this wonderful life that He has given me. A life that leads you back home to Jesus to have infinite moments with him for eternity.

Sometimes, you're gonna have such bitter moments... Press the break for awhile. Take time to breathe.
And lapse back into your consciousness. There's just so many beautiful things that had happened and are going to happen again in the future. Look back and reflect, you'll feel so blessed.

Counting my blessing!
My friend had just accepted Christ. I jumped like a crazy person and I wanted to cry out of happiness for a new soul has been saved. I was positive that I've done nothing much to impress her about Christianity...
about how amazing it would be to have Jesus Christ as her personal Saviour... and our relationship with Him... for we are called His sons & daughters. 
Certainly, theres nothing I did that made her believe what I was trying to explain.
It was God of course. All glory and praise to Him ya! 
A few days later, I gave her a Bible wrapped and decorated by me.
I was hoping she would love it.
Guess what? She was extremely happy! She saw whats in my heart.
She felt loved. A Bible and a self-made card had made her smile for so long that day.
She told me she wouldn't express it out the way I would. haha... (means she don't jump like crazy lo)
She told me again... 'I'm so happy to receive a Bible today'. 
She took it out from her bag after keeping it inside for some time and show it to me.
She shake the book and say 'yay' in a gentle tone.
Her face was so cheerful that it made me feel so touched by her appreciation.
She reads it at night and she told me she loves reading.
In my heart, I just thank God for answering my prayers.
I am no good at preaching the gospel. I can't really work with words. But just let God help that part for you.
Say a prayer before doing anything. Have faith in Him, that you trust. Let him guide you all the way. 
Go! And tell your friends & also stranger about this mighty God!



Sunday, January 2, 2011

He is utmost importance...

Let God be the center of everything...Let God be the center of our lives for me & you. We love because He has first loved us. We know what is love when we first know that God is love.
And I see no wrong in loving my dearest ones.
In any way I express, no matter how ridiculous or to the extreme extend
until people might say that is not practical.
haha! whatever that is... I'm really conscious that my heart is only filled with love and all I want to give
is love to others. So, lets not care what others might say.
As long as we know we're doing the right thing, we'll just ignore them. ngek ngek...
theres a time when I care so much of what others think and of what their advise might be for us....
I sincerely care. I really do. Up until a point, I rather give up my own happiness just to go their ways.
ahahaha... of course I felt so sick after that and then broke my promises to them.
Hey! Where does God stands now?
I was so blind and I realize that I left God out of the situation.
I should have focus more on how He might think or feel.
So, I spend time with my Father and ask what He thinks...*giggles*
I can't hear His audible voice but I'm sure He'll give me some answers in another form.
To find the perfect answer and the right one... seek God not man.
Wait upon Him and He shall show you what to do!

feels like my bloggie really doesn't suit for other people to read...
.
yeah, its actually dedicated for someone special to read.

But its for other readers too! If you can bear with me all those geli stuff that I wrote T.T
haha... my apologies ya..