My testimony

 Life before I put my trust in Christ alone for salvation was like living in the dark sorrows of the earth. Others may think that a child like me being born in a Christian family has been taught on how to build their lives in the solid word of God. But I never truly experience the love of God or had an intimate relationship with Him before. I live each and everyday with the thoughts of committing suicide that enters in my mind for I feel that this life is not worth living for. Thoughts of that had somehow taken residence inside my brain because I really cannot accept nor deal with those harsh words that have been spoken out by my love ones. Every word pierced a deep hole in my heart, leaving behind a scar. There comes a point where I was tired of being pushed around and my broken heart feels that there is no cure to be found. I finally gave up living my life. My family members gathered around close by my side and remind me on God’s purpose in bringing each and every one into this world. They encouraged me to focus on fulfilling God’s purpose for me and leave what lies behind to strive for what is set ahead. Those precious words that I treasured the most did not just strengthen me; it also gave me hope to keep on living this life. I now realized how much God loves me. For 1 John 3:1 says ‘His love is so great that we are called God’s children’. It is simply His desire to lavish his love on his children and His death on the cross was the ultimate expression of His love for us (1 John 4:10). He has given me comfort through His Words, by the Holy Spirit and through fellow believers. He puts people into my path to help me through my difficult times. That is how perfect His love for us is. It has the power that is capable of conquering a human’s heart. I am sure about the love that is given by my Heavenly Father has deeply touched my heart. I decided to invite Jesus Christ into my life again and start a whole new chapter in life. Every page will be written about my relationship with my Father. My life ever since Jesus became my reason to live is free from suicidal thoughts. I enjoy having this wonderful relationship with my Father. I learned to love my greatest enemy and I’m doing it willingly with joy for Christ alone! The Lord renews me mentally and physically. I no longer suffer from any depressions. This Jesus Christ has influenced my life. Would you like to have a relationship with Him too?

Go away misery...

Your insensitivity. Your cold shoulders. Your short cut statements. Your explanations. Your absence. I'm afraid that I couldn't bare with them anymore. Sorry to tell you that I'm broken enough to give up. I no longer keen on having a relationship with you. You want to go straight right up to the point. Let's make it as simple as it is. Chances are given out. You blew it. The wounds goes deeper until it brings me to a point where I don't want to fight against the pain all over again. How fragile my heart is, probably you don't understand. Since you don't get what I mean. Why don't we do it the easy way? I let go and you let go, just like that. Reason? We're incompatible. Worth it? Why wouldn't it be. There are other fish in the sea. Can catch one and get on with life? Why not. It could be a better fish. Am I sure that I'm not gonna have a hard time to release my partner's hand? Well, as time goes by, memories will fade away pieces by pieces. Its rough in the beginning. But it will be okay later, once you get through that stage. I will be fine. I can live on with it. I told myself. Go away misery, pain, depression! Shooh! I have all the rights to be happy being alone.

Well, oh well, thats me alright! Laugh it out loud because this is the insecure, pathetic, selfish, self-pity and impatient me! haha! Look at me, how childish I could be sometimes. All in the name of love. Why do I need to react in such a way? You see, I don't know what is love back then. I learn more from movies, I guess. They taught us that love is an expression of words, a gesture that includes kissing, hugging, touching and so much more. Why do we need it so much? Because we feel empty inside. We struggle to find what is true love is. It's miserable not being able to experience it. And you hope that this misery will go away in a snap of a finger with the solution of finding a person who fulfills your desires. That we call short lived passion of love. The life span of that kind of instant love is short. It comes and goes off like the wind. It doesn't last. It makes you regret why did you ever give all you had for that one single person who takes it for granted ,then, you'll be trapped in the hows and whys of life. Oh yeah, I've been through this. I know what its like.Once I realized that I was an idiot, I tried to break up with that person. I told him exactly everything I have written in the first paragraph. Firstly, I was really damaged. I couldn't let myself go through emotional days. Where I go crazy and cry and cry and cry for something that doesn't even deserve my tears and time. Secondly, there was a part of me wanting that person to win me back, to fight for me and tell me that he treasure those tears of mine. Oh, how stupid I was. What in the world I was expecting from a person who barely know how to love his friends. Hey people out there, c'mom lets face our problems. Don't run away. They will be pilled up if you deny their existence. Cigarettes and drugs are not the answers for your problems. It can only lessen the pain for a while then it comes back again in no time. Sooner or later you have to face them. So, be ready for them. Put on a full set of armor for protection and fight against it. Then, you'll be a stronger person that is ready to face each day with every word that comes from the Bible. A simple prayer will do wonders! God answers them ya know? I'm reminding myself, you my dearest friends and others around the world to have a quiet time spent reading the Bible that teaches you how you could face your fear and adversities in life!

If you have found the one that God has placed in your life. Don't give up easily on him or her because it says here in the Bible, " Love Never Quits ".

Hold on to that love you once shared with your dearest ones. Hold it tight, but be gentle at the same time just like you wrapped it around with your arms to a fluffy pillow! Be patient too, as it takes time to grow strong and steady. Cheers!

While waiting for the right timing...

To start the relationship.... Focus our eyes on the Lord. Remember Dueteronomy  6:5 says, Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 

 Well, lets meditate on it together even if 1000 times we may fail to do so, keep in mind that we must not for a single moment think of giving up!

For our Father in Heaven will never ever lost his hope that has been put on us. Amazing isn't it? I actually lost count of the numbers of time how I've not placed Him first in my life. I forgot about all His deeds on the cross for us from time to time. Only cared about me and you more than anything. Let's make a big U-turn in our life and live it right. Priorities first, God, then family, studies and so on....

You are not there waiting alone. I'm here waiting for you faithfully too! We keep our word and guard our hearts. Let nothing separate us from the love we have found through Jesus Christ ya...

Put your best foot forward in life for Him not me or for someone else, He is the one we love, whom has given us the purpose of living on this earth. Remember our creator. Remember His awesome power! So, pray together with me. Spend the time you have now to shut your eyes and pray for us and for others too ya...

You might be in the midst of busyness, but try to take time off for a moment of silence.

Pray hard like you never did before! And most importantly, keep the faith and continue to pray on.

Acknowledge the power of prayers, for He answers them.

We don't know where are we heading to, but we do know the One who is leading us. Cling on Him not me.

TEEHEEH! you look cute, my sweet cheese!

I know ! I know ! I'm embarrassing you with all those un-manly photos taken by me!

mwuahhhhahahahahah!!!  But I love them too much, so , I've no choice but to post them here for you to see la... and of course for others too! Hey, CUTIE! You make go 'aww aww aww so cute'! again!

Today is 9/11/2010! I'm touching 17! wooh! tskk tskk...I'll be awaiting for my 'hoho' you know what la... after spm... ishhh... I also don't know whether you remember or not...

GRRR...  never mind that! haha! When time comes we'll see ah... whats gonna happen...

keep that smile, Chris Lee , we're gonna be fine!

God is our protector!

Our tower of refuge and strength...

Nothing will destroy us

We just put our trust in Him..

and go forth with confidence..

*smile*

P.S: never stop praying though times are good or bad, He hears the voice of His children! And what He desires is a childlike faith!

記得我愛你!

Love taste so bitter....

L.O.V.E  is something I hope to someday experience it and I'm sure everyone feels the same too. But, hey, the question is when will you meet the one that God had reserved for you - your one and only life partner. I long to meet mine. Prayed so hard to get the chance to meet him. Well, this is actually me being impatient. And things had happen for a reason I believe. This is why God allows it.

 I met you in the year of 2009 when I was still in my form threes. And....

Meeting you was my greatest joy! You are such a dear friend to me. But maybe falling in love with you might be the wrong thing to do. The worst, is knowing that I was already so close to you yet I didn't keep my distance and let the relationship built up day by day. I remember how we spend time talking in the car as you drive me back home. We do a lot of chit chat, wuahahaha, as I was so super talkative when I'm with you only because I know you'll listen and respond to me. To cut the story short, I was falling so deep that I find it so hard to deny myself and say I don't like you... I can't do it. So, I decided to tell ya how I feel! On the 27th of June, you and me were on the phone. You told me you were waiting for me to graduate from Secondary High School... Phewh... what a relieve to know that I was not rejected.. haha! I was so happy till I burst into tears to know that you love me as much as I do, but just waiting for the right timing to confess to me.

Awhh..... you see! I should have been more patient and wait for your confession rather than me confessing it to you! Which it sounds so super duper wrong!!!!! Argh! *pik piak* I slap myself... silly me la! So I said a little prayer to God....

I have nobody to blame but myself. Dear Lord, forgive me for rushing things out. I'm sorry for not starting a relationship according to Your timing. I end up hurting myself again - filled with regrets. Looking back, I feel so stupid. This life You have given me, I did not fully value it for I allow myself to drown in this big black hole. I didn't strive to save it but stayed in it. I want to repent , Lord , and live my life to please you the right way! AMEN!

haih... yup, I was hurt. Hurt because everything had happened at the wrong timing.... You wasn't grown up enough to love me the way I would have wanted. Age does matter. I know how you really meant those words you said. But just words won't give me any security. I was too fragile, being too dependent on your comfort and love. I lost sight what was really everlasting to me. God's LOVE is indeed immeasurable and His ways of showing it are inexplicable. I definitely have to admit that I was loosing myself to this so-called worldly love. Seeking it desperately with all my strength, thought it could bring me happiness. Leaders told me to find love when you are only contented with God's love, don't find love when you are needing it if not you will loose sight of which is more important. People's love has a limit, but not God's love. Jesus's love is so wide, it reaches to the ends of the earth - He was willing to die on the cross for sinners like us. What a LOVE! Ain't it awesome?

I found myself in tears lying on the bed late at night.... why does love taste so bitter all the sudden? why this , why that? I grumble, complain , made a fuss out of everything and finally dose off to sleep.

Wrapping myself up with the feeling of insecurity. I know I'm gonna be seriously hurt if I continue on like this... Don't wanna think so much about the heartbreaking moments. I wonder is loving him was ever worth the cost? But then LOVE shouldn't come with a price tag. Loving a person should be done with a sincere heart. I tell myself, I must be willing to persevere on if I did LOVE him the way I meant it.

If ya ever felt like giving up... look up to God, He's up there hoping you would give Him a call , then , He'll lend you a helping hand pulling you back up so you could stand straight and follow His ways.

Psalms 55:17 says....

Evening and morning and at noon I will pray , and cry aloud, and God shall hear my voice.

Remember God is always available to hear the prayer of His child. I'm not kidding though. Try talking to Him and you will be amazed how he response to your calling!

You're one in a million♥

In the search of a life partner, I found you! WOOHOOH! You see, what you ask for is what you get. Therefore, its dangerous to pray a prayer that goes like.... OH, GOD I WANT TO MEET MY FUTURE HUSBAND RIGHT NOW AT THIS INSTANCE!!! and end with an AMEN! You wouldn't know God's answer... if could be a YES or a no! So be careful what you had pray for... please don't play play. Might as well pray this prayer when you are older so that you are capable of pursuing the one God has chosen for you without anything holding you back. lol! I believe this happened to me for a reason though. God surely has His own reasons which I'm not able to understand them sometimes or most of the time. hehe. So, here's all the sweet memories of you , Christopher Lee Yee Hong and me, Sabrina Lee Wai Ling had together. Ahem... maybe not memories... it looks like im just posting lotsa your pictures that I steal from facebook! wuahahaha... call me a stalker or wateva argh is not gonna stop me from stealing them again!

Taken on my birthday 5/8/2010

I stole this from Leo's hand phone....mwuahahahaha!

 your fake smile....eee...soo uglyyyy...haha! It makes me wanna step on you more. lol!

you there snoozing like a big fat BEH BEAR ! zzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZz

look, what I've steal from Leo's phone!! See how your cute look had cause me to take drastic action in order to save this picture of you in my phone ...uuu so so cute looking white chick lying on the sofa...mmm...sexy!

=o='' im like addicted to stealing your pictures from facebook and posting them in my blog....

you are just so cute T.T.... I wanna 'picit' your pimples till you shout out with pain and of course cubit your face later because it'll be pinkish colour and you'll look even more cute ! wuahahahah!

Your girly voice! I betcha forget about this! I recorded it when ya sang 'wake me up' by Evanescene in your car! haha just a short clip though.... wasted le...and I can't upload it here...wuwuwuwu...

The ribbon that I had made for you using tissue... doncha look cute wearing it on top of your head? WEEWEEET!Such a pwweeetttyyy girl!

uh! my glasses made you look extra cool ,dear. HAHAHAHA makes me laugh too!

There just so many moments of me tying hair with something! Here's all of them I guess :

                                                 

wuahahahhah!! I was just having too much fun making you look girly and cute... Hope to tie for you more in the future...mwuahahahaa

Lookiee!! How I love smelling you dirty shirt....mmm...I'll remember that sweaty smell..lovely ei!....eheheh bin tai leh...♥!

The first plastic ring you gave me T,T so nice....haha

after some modifications.....it looks more nicer!! taadaa!

I'm really serious about the ring, I even bought a ring box to keep it safe and unharmed!! So, it would last long  ya! Surely one day It will turn into a real wedding ring...

Heeh..... this might be children's drawing, but its from me,so, try to admire it la XP Yet you said I look FAT in that drawing..... oh my, how dare you !!

And that small lil baby is drawn by YIBI-CHAN~ cute leh!

 You typed it on ya phone and sms-ed it to me even though I was just sitting right beside you reading every word you typed... so lame.. but SWEET!! XD

I like the watch that you try to buy for me but failed to pay for me! haha!

Remember, how hard we find it to stop telling each other those three words, its just not that easy to mute ourselves :

[7/18/2010 11:26:07 PM] Chris says: sabrina lee wai ling

[7/18/2010 11:26:15 PM] Chris says: do you know that i really love you?

[7/18/2010 11:28:36 PM] Chris says: do you know it by heart that i love you?

[7/18/2010 11:28:58 PM] Chris says: its now 11:30

[7/18/2010 11:29:05 PM] Chris says: 18 of july

[7/18/2010 11:29:19 PM] Chris says: i love you

[7/18/2010 11:29:36 PM] Chris says: in this four years of waiting...

[7/18/2010 11:29:39 PM] Chris says: in waiting...

[7/18/2010 11:29:56 PM] Chris says: we need to focus on some thing else...

[7/18/2010 11:29:59 PM] Chris says: by it...

[7/18/2010 11:30:06 PM] Chris says: studies or watever...

[7/18/2010 11:30:15 PM] Chris says: so...

[7/18/2010 11:30:17 PM] Chris says: now...

[7/18/2010 11:30:28 PM] Chris says: 11:30 18 of July...

[7/18/2010 11:30:49 PM] Chris says: i decided to mute myself frm saying i love you by mouth....

[7/18/2010 11:31:03 PM] Chris says: but by heart i will love you always....

[7/18/2010 11:31:20 PM] Chris says: so frm now onwards...

[7/18/2010 11:31:32 PM] Chris says: i wont say i love you to you anymore....

[7/18/2010 11:31:40 PM] Chris says: that is the boundary...

[7/18/2010 11:31:50 PM] Chris says: it hurts..

[7/18/2010 11:31:55 PM] Chris says: but......

[7/18/2010 11:32:18 PM] Chris says: I love you too much for this...

[7/18/2010 11:32:36 PM] Chris says: so yea....

[7/18/2010 11:32:50 PM] Chris says: im gonna treat you as a friend....

[7/18/2010 11:33:42 PM] Chris says: cry not ya!

[7/18/2010 11:33:50 PM] Chris says: 4 years very fast...

[7/18/2010 11:33:57 PM] Chris says: hehe!


                 WEE!!  the heart shape necklace you gave me T,T so pweetyyhh ahh...and tiny till hehe cannot be seen in this photo... you said it symbols your faithfulness to me   (>..<)  wooh! I'll treasure it!

Chrissie Lee doing his presentation...awww.....so yau yeng.... XP!

You and your over sized shirt made youuuu look so buff up... but not in reality la of course....ahaha... you look so fluffy! i wanna hug you like mah plushie toys!!

We went bowling on the 7th August 2010 , you must be wondering how could I have remember the date... geng lehh... eeheh! cause its written in my S.M.K Seri Indah group page at facebook! It was on the Aerobikton Day, I curi x2 ponteng out from school to go bowling with my friends, you and bro.                                                  

                

Me and my GREEN bowling ball strikes!!! Arghh! too bad it masuk longkang more lo... grrr... why!! the GREEN ball should had bring me luck mah... cis.... haha...
I had a great time there with you and my friends...
And thank you for helping me to masuk longkang once more , adding another 'zero' to my score on that day!^^''

why all the pictures that you snap for me so ugly one T^T you see ! ugh ! argh !

I blame you for your poor photographic skills XP hmph! haha!

 Our own 38 language! 

 Dino : RAWR! means I ♥ U

Bird : TWEET TWEET means I ♥ U too!

Bear : GRRRRR..... means I miss U


                                        laaaa dee dumm dee dumm~  The video I've made  for ya!

Christopher Lee Yee Hong

Here's a collection of photos about you and me. There are some you haven't seen before. I was keeping it in order to create a blog about our story. I'm trying my best to put every pieces together, without missing any small part of our sweet memories together. Our encounterment was like any other ordinary couple's across the world, but for me I felt that our's is filled with pages of extraordinary moments. Heres how it began, it started off with us exchanging our phone numbers - I think. Oh wait! You asked it from my brother, Caleb, how daring of you! Some more, you told him that you would like to wish me 'Happy Birthday', using this as an excuse to get my number. lol . So,  the day must be somewhere near my 15th birthday then ( 8th May 2009 )

                                 The message that you've sent to me goes like this if I've not mistaken....

                                                   

                                         sender - CHRIS(not found in my contact list yet) says :

                               

                                          Happy 15th birthday.... Its a year of growth 

                                                            and a year of opportunities....                                                          

Okay... it was not that short of course because theres a lot of words missing and you had press too many times of space bars to make the message look longer. I only remember the word 'opportunities' and I was wondering whether this guy is trying to use this 'opportunities' appropriately or not. Because it sounds somehow weird and flirty to me. I don't know why. hehe... Maybe it was just me, thinking too much.  eheh

There are many more memories all mixed up. I can't remember the exact date or roughly put them in sequence. I remember that we went to colleague school zone (CSZ) cell group meeting and you were wearing   black tees on that day. It's wonderful having you around because you made me feel so at home. You treat me like an ordinary person - never once isolate me to a corner. Did I ever told you the ways you thought me how to really fit into the youth group. I was not confident to be a part of them. The youth group really is a big happy family, full of laughter and joy. But in my heart I know I won't be able to mix along with others. I shall summarize the whole process for ya to read! 

You there, Chris, spreading you lameness like a virus everywhere at youth - thats the way you communicate. And it comes from you, and you alone. People are annoyed. They'll like ignore you and say, ' urghh....enough of your lame jokes' with a sweat face written all over their face. You would just stand there and laugh at yourself. Those jokes not only brightens up people's day, it also lightens up the atmosphere when they finally laugh at those silly jokes of yours. You taught me that being yourself or having your own special way to connect with people is good enough, theres no need to imitate anyone who's jokes are popular because being the original self is already enough.

                                       Our first time eating together during wai kit's 22th birthday    

You have such an innocent look - just like an adorable pup!

I'm really delighted on that day to be able snap pictures of you. 

Your blur blur look makes me wanna go awww....awww....aww..... all the time.....

This was the lame joke of the day!

Chris: *switches the glass cups*, Hey Sabrina, which of this glass has the white tissue that I've just hid inside?

Sabrina: * narrowed her eyes* How do you wish me to response ei? This is lame , dude....lame...

Chris: *laughs at himself* Awh... cmom, give it a try...

    Sabrina: uuuuhh...okay... * shows the sweat face*  hmmm.... there this one right in the middle there!

Chris: Yay! correct!!

...............................................................

     

Oh look! You're eating untill so so so....well, somehow very clean. 

           Nah... you were just pretending in front of me, right?

                                                              You agreed to take pictures with me ..... awh... so nice of you!

                                                      Arghh! It's because of my lack of skills in photo shootings....   we took few shots and yet this is the last one that has my face in it....

emm....only half of my face is seen I guess....oh well, as long as theres the two of us

I feel really satisfied already.....  

 <<<<          squiky clean         before.........
...............and very...urghh.........dirty right after eating                    >>>>>
 Oh, forgot to tell ya .................that    I LOVE EATING in such a mess!!

                 

It's our first time being out together alone, as friends of course. I was so nervous as usual, sweating here and there. I tried chilling/calm down..... Did my expressions made a perfect fake out in front of you? heheh... just keeping it cool!


We're celebrating your 19th birthday ( 1st of May 2010 ) at The Mines, Pizza Hut restaurant. I'm so happy to be able to spend this special time with you, eating your favourite food - PIZZA! Glad to see you smile and being overjoyed on this wonderful occasion. Trying to recall back every little lame jokes that you've told me on that day. I'm sure that I am the only one who always laugh at those jokes. And you were always listening to me carefully. When I talk to you about a whole bunch of stuff, you were there to hear them clearly, catching every detail into your memory. You said, ' It's like I'm obligated to listen to you'. I jump with joy to have you as my good friend. Whenever I'm with you, I just want to be myself and I don't want to hide the real me. I just wanna be transparent in front of you all the time.






Snap shot one# - very....veryy...errr...not successful...you got only one eye arr..

Snap shot two# - seriously need to crop my face out! To save your cute cute face, I must throw away the other half that has me in it!!

Snap shot three# - can I not post it here... I look really...old...                wuahahahhaha!!







                                                          
            The bear you bought me...
remember how we debate in the shop!
GRRR!! NO GREEN BEAR please!                 chuk lei shang yak fai lok! your super small sized cake!

The video I made for ya 18th birthday!

I proudly upload it at Facebook, hoping others will laugh and make fun of your pictures or something like that but what I get in return is... 'awwhh, so sweet' , 'I wish I had sweet smile like him'.... *my jaws open*    How can this be happening?! they were suppose to say... eww... ahh, fine. Nah, all the glory and honor from the peeps and what a failure to my evil plan. BUUHUUH!

There is just so much to write here. I guess I am not able to summarize everything in one shot writing it here. HRRR.... actually I very lazy to type...hehe..

Oh, the night at the ROOTZ, on the rooftop at Lot 10! What a memory! It was so fun being with the youths. All of you were trying to do some Sasuke stunts I guess.... its beautiful up there , where we can see the city lights from high above! It was my first time seeing all this... p.s: the photos below I steal them from Joye's album, that might stop you from wondering why are these pix so familiar. XD

THE AWESOME VIEW FROM THE TOP! WOOTS!

LOL! Chris, you shouldn't have look straight at the camera... you should be looking some where else to blend in with Elroy and John they all... this is funny la...

Seeing this makes me laugh. It reminds me of those crappy moments of ya all doing crazy stuff. XD

Chris modelling moments :

              Chris: Im advertising MAGNUM MASCARA!! *sabrina got me in to this actually*

Sabrina: GAH! You just need a lil push thats all, I know you wanted this,right? XP

And you went... 'eh what is mascara? I seriously don't know.'

MASCARA is black liquid that is used by a brush to put it on those nice long lashes of yours!

the photo comments! we know you know what is MASCARA, betina!

Everlasting Joye ‎2 dark, kenot see the mascara~

May 4 at 8:56pm ·  · 

Chris Lee Wat is mascara???
I still dun get it...

May 4 at 8:57pm ·  · 

Everlasting Joye Ur lashes... with mascara~

May 4 at 9:29pm ·  · 

Sabrina Lee he knws what it is la.. hehe

May 4 at 9:45pm · 

Chris Lee Can see some samples?

May 4 at 9:48pm ·  · 

Sabrina Lee yeeee... dun pretend la.. we're both ladies, nothing to be ashame of~ hoh!

May 4 at 9:50pm · 

Chris Lee Eh..
Ku jantan...
Lu perempuan...

May 4 at 10:00pm ·  · 

Sabrina Lee kita berduakan betina~~

May 4 at 10:03pm · 

• • • • Oh I just love to see you modelling for Joye's collection! T^T im so happy!! You look more and more like a betina in each new shots! aww... you look just so PRETTY in this photo!!