Friday, November 5, 2010

Love taste so bitter....

L.O.V.E  is something I hope to someday experience it and I'm sure everyone feels the same too. But, hey, the question is when will you meet the one that God had reserved for you - your one and only life partner. I long to meet mine. Prayed so hard to get the chance to meet him. Well, this is actually me being impatient. And things had happen for a reason I believe. This is why God allows it.

 I met you in the year of 2009 when I was still in my form threes. And....
Meeting you was my greatest joy! You are such a dear friend to me. But maybe falling in love with you might be the wrong thing to do. The worst, is knowing that I was already so close to you yet I didn't keep my distance and let the relationship built up day by day. I remember how we spend time talking in the car as you drive me back home. We do a lot of chit chat, wuahahaha, as I was so super talkative when I'm with you only because I know you'll listen and respond to me. To cut the story short, I was falling so deep that I find it so hard to deny myself and say I don't like you... I can't do it. So, I decided to tell ya how I feel! On the 27th of June, you and me were on the phone. You told me you were waiting for me to graduate from Secondary High School... Phewh... what a relieve to know that I was not rejected.. haha! I was so happy till I burst into tears to know that you love me as much as I do, but just waiting for the right timing to confess to me.

Awhh..... you see! I should have been more patient and wait for your confession rather than me confessing it to you! Which it sounds so super duper wrong!!!!! Argh! *pik piak* I slap myself... silly me la! So I said a little prayer to God....

I have nobody to blame but myself. Dear Lord, forgive me for rushing things out. I'm sorry for not starting a relationship according to Your timing. I end up hurting myself again - filled with regrets. Looking back, I feel so stupid. This life You have given me, I did not fully value it for I allow myself to drown in this big black hole. I didn't strive to save it but stayed in it. I want to repent , Lord , and live my life to please you the right way! AMEN!

haih... yup, I was hurt. Hurt because everything had happened at the wrong timing.... You wasn't grown up enough to love me the way I would have wanted. Age does matter. I know how you really meant those words you said. But just words won't give me any security. I was too fragile, being too dependent on your comfort and love. I lost sight what was really everlasting to me. God's LOVE is indeed immeasurable and His ways of showing it are inexplicable. I definitely have to admit that I was loosing myself to this so-called worldly love. Seeking it desperately with all my strength, thought it could bring me happiness. Leaders told me to find love when you are only contented with God's love, don't find love when you are needing it if not you will loose sight of which is more important. People's love has a limit, but not God's love. Jesus's love is so wide, it reaches to the ends of the earth - He was willing to die on the cross for sinners like us. What a LOVE! Ain't it awesome?

I found myself in tears lying on the bed late at night.... why does love taste so bitter all the sudden? why this , why that? I grumble, complain , made a fuss out of everything and finally dose off to sleep.
Wrapping myself up with the feeling of insecurity. I know I'm gonna be seriously hurt if I continue on like this... Don't wanna think so much about the heartbreaking moments. I wonder is loving him was ever worth the cost? But then LOVE shouldn't come with a price tag. Loving a person should be done with a sincere heart. I tell myself, I must be willing to persevere on if I did LOVE him the way I meant it.

If ya ever felt like giving up... look up to God, He's up there hoping you would give Him a call , then , He'll lend you a helping hand pulling you back up so you could stand straight and follow His ways.

Psalms 55:17 says....
Evening and morning and at noon I will pray , and cry aloud, and God shall hear my voice.

Remember God is always available to hear the prayer of His child. I'm not kidding though. Try talking to Him and you will be amazed how he response to your calling!

4 comments:

  1. Wow. I'm sorry....Sabrina. I never realised how pained you were. Some mistakes, some paths cannot be erased, but believe me, Sabrina, both of us will find our true ones, eventually. =)

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  2. found one, but didn't wait for the right time to start though.

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  3. Ah. Patience is the key to everything. I was too impatient once...and ended up with a foreign girl who wouldn't even speak to me. That's why I put my love life into hiatus for now. Studies first!

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