I'm protecting my fragile heart...

Who else would be sensitive to you... more than yourself???
If they could break it even knowing how weak it is, they'll just do...
why? simply because most of them thinks that it's not theirs but yours
their killing...they're stepping on it hard! why on earth they care! It's not them who gets hurt!
hahahahahhahahaaaa... T T
Or some may feel guilty conscious.... and try to make it up to you...
It's very rare to find someone who protects others first...
Meanwhile, what I can do is just love myself.
Must protect myself.
Must not let words of discouragement...
dwell in me.. and watch myself fall apart..
If i'm sad, after crying... hold myself back together...
Life is too short to be anything but HAPPY!
I won't prolong my depressing thoughts but rather focus on other things...
I'm standing back up, telling myself ... Hey! I must love myself before loving others!
I'm gonna protect myself !! Won't let you mean people win the game in life!
I'll stay happy with a big smile on my face saying, I'm a perfect child of God! I am so!
And this life He has given to me... I'll cherish it... make full use of it!
Won't let you people blocking all my happy moments or bringing me down
I'm a winner ahhh!!

Thank you for understanding...

From the bottom of my heart I just wanna thank you so much...
For understanding me although sometimes it might be hard
because I can't really express out the way feel inside....
Thank you dear friends. You might not be a brother or sister in Christ yet!
But you care, you love, you understand, somehow more than a family member does...
Thank you AHFISH and YIBI, for your time to hear me grumble a lil and me voicing out my sadness.
Today I was very 'san fu', to endure all the harsh, unkind, prejudice & sickly-repeated-negative words
I think I might just die of heart broken....haha... kua jiong! But it does hurts a lot..
For 2 hours of hearing those same words. Its nothing but arrows shooting through my heart....
On the surface I may look calm and okay....
But I'm just like you my friends. I cry very easily and I get hurt very easily too.
We're so much alike in a way ^ ^
If 1happy family, you're all here... I would run into your arms and cry....
Because there's no one else who would even try to understand... who..really never tried...haha..
Dear chin chin, if you were there at that moment... I would be in tears... telling you what exactly just happened
and I know you'll always say... 'it's okay, wai ling, don't have to take it to yourself what they just say'
or you might say, 'never let those words hurt you, you must be strong'.
And I would cry even harder. To release every pain that I have inside and then wipe my tears..
move forward...and stand back up again...
  I love you, my friends ^ ^


.

是命运紧紧把我们绑在一起

When will we tie a knot between us?
Hear me giggle... when you said I'm already married to you...
Yes, dear... I remember my vows to you.^ ^
Should we renew vows when we reach our bronze,silver,golden year
& some more got what kind of year that we need to celebrate???
heeh! I believe everyday with you calls for a celebration...
Even though we're not together yet!
But I know how much we would treasure so hard for us...
Because we waited for so long
Together we gone so far and it takes so much perseverance
We grown so muchhh... I love you even deeper!!
I'm keeping my heart oh-so-pure for you,
Must gambateh! REFINE IMPURITIES!
Will always keep you in mind & prayer...

 Love,
           Sabrina!

Don't go breaking my heart movie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sYU6U_OKyE

PART 1/17 :

it's a nice movie!

hah! I dowanna be a spoiler... so... Im just gonna tell ya lil lil bits about this movie...

There are 4 types of men. Well, actually its three...

I just figured out the third by myself. heeeh!

The first man, very well known as the man who most probably would give in to a woman

when he'd knew she's having his blood and flesh....

and then dumps his 7 years of sweet lovely girlfriend....for someone... who's maybe 

his other pregnant wife or girlfriend? I dunno la...

To conclude it, pregnant woman comes first for this man. hehe

Then, there's this I-love-woman-sss man...

Oh! This man is secretly , madly in love with an office girl for 3 years..

Yesh! He reaaaally does people... 

He's a man alright! A man who is so capable to love womansss...

I mean this woman, this very special woman - he's serious about and in the mean time...

he could also have desires for sexy women...ahem..other women...

this man memang banyak guys side leh, fyi!

oh yup! He's a man who could love a woman and wants other women.... 

 A saying goes, there's 10 kind of guys in this world, 9 of them are dead but 1 is different.

The one guy, is the 2nd guy that I've just intro to ya.

ahuh... He claims to be the one guy who could really love this woman...

out of 10, would you choose the one who is type 2?

But if there's guy 11?? Which is type 3, way alien than all the 10 guys that I just mention.

oyeahh! This is guy number 3. Who was falling in life but got back up and turn out to be...

the kind of guy, a woman might call the 11th guy!!!! 0,0'' 

'you'll be like, uh, does guy 11th even exist?'

This guy is very rare in society nowadays^^  

but of course he can be found! Just very rare to meet guy type 3.

Meet guy type 3, loyalty is one of the quality that he has.

Many girls will say, yeah, he's the one who could give someone security.... >o<

And move on to guy type 4, seen all in the streets.

everyday new woman , everyday enjoy making love , kind of guy!

whooshh.... spoils the mood...

What if you're falling head over heels into guy type 2 and you're willing to love him to the very bits.

Even when you're hurting so bad due to his disloyalty , you could still go on not finding someone else.

But the choices are in your hands, guy type 2 & 3, is both waiting at your door.

Both love you so much, so deep, so passionate.

Who would you choose leh?!

Chin says : Stupid kah?! Choose guy type 3 la!~

Sabrina : T . T , what about poor guy type 2? He's fighting over his nature mah...

Chin : aih... I don't wanna marry already cause guy type 3 is so hard to find. haha!

overall....

Guys : I prefer, the character in guy type 2, more real, you know? Guy type 3 is more like fairytale la.

Girls : Waiting for the 11th guy to appear. Because guy type 3 is the best choice! lawl!

Fill me , Lord...

Fill me with the fruits of Your Spirit , Lord.
Fill me with love , so that I seek to understand and appreciate
the rich variety and diversity of life that surrounds me.
Fill me with joy , so that I celebrate Your presence in each
and every moment I am on this earth.
Fill me with peace , so that I know how to ease those angry
and sometimes unholy urges inside of me.
Fill me with patience , so that I stop rushing
long enough to witness Your miraculous work
taking place all around me. ( And within me!)
Fill me with kindness , so that I take extra time to help the one in need,
even when it isn't convenient for me
Fill me with faithfulness , so that I place my mind , heart
and all that I do in the service of Your Gospel.
Fill me with gentleness , so that others know that I believe
in God who loves and cares for all people.
Fill me with self-control , so that I act not on my impulses
and urges , but rather on my beliefs and values ,
which are rooted in You.
Fill me with all these fruits if Your spirit , Lord!
Amen.

-cheras EFC weekly bulletin-

=P

A poem about you

A friend and a warrior

The stakes are high

Uncertainty floods into my mind

When water tides gets rough

It makes standing with shaky knees so tough

Choices made are risking my life

But you are with me battling this fight

Your smile encompasses with words of encouragement

Confident as you make a steady judgement

The scent of you have made me grown desensitized

To every fear of throwing a dice

Just knowing that you are by my side

I could finish any race with a blink of an eye

Do you always read my mind?

To understand every sign

You ease those violent urges welled up in me

Without even one’s plea

If I hear the same humming of your melodious voice

That sounds like gentle lullabies

My soul swells rolling the emblazoned red carpet at our doorways.

Creating narrow paths back to our yesterdays

It seems like the journey crossed will have no ends

We will be seeing each other sooner or then

Because friendship is everlasting

Like an ever flowing river that keeps on running

What we have is priceless to many

You cannot be exchanged with a dime or a penny

Dear friend, you are the hidden stone tucked under the pillow.

The treacherous wind will blow

But I will embrace you with warm arms

We will be bold to face what tomorrow comes!

dear friend...

Friend, are you okay? I kept asking you everyday...
What bothers you , friend?
Is it the gloomy weather that's causing you to miss bedtime?
Are you sick? Or having headaches? Is life in school pulling you down?
Sometimes you say yes and no for an answer...
Friend, I have given you so much trouble....
Like a little girl clinging on to a mother...
Would you teach me how to grow up?
You're always well organized
Improving, as the days go by...
Would I'd been a burden to you all along?
If not, why are you so quiet until silence is all I hear?
Friend, you're always an encourager...
You taught me everything about how to open up my eyes...
to see the world with a different pair of spectacles...
'Life is beautiful', you said with full optimism!
Recently you have been hiding your feelings...
There is nothing that you would not report to me.
Even the tinniest details, you'll never missed.
Friend, are you suffering alone?
Because you're always so strong, so stable...
unbreakable... but you have a gentle side...
when you mourn for the helpless...
and in tears when you're touched by words...
secretly, you cry in your bedroom you told me..
But what made you so different now?
Could it be, only me who sees it?
Your laughter gets softer and softer...
Like you try to laugh, but the sound of your sweet voice is blocked.
Friend, are you in pain? I asked this question several times..
You said no again.
I've must have done something wrong...
But you don't have courage to tell me the truth...
Are you afraid to break my heart?
Then don't be. Because I want to be your good friend...
I must be strong, because you ain't reasoning out with me...
I could never give up on you...
For you are so special to me...
So dear, so precious...
I love you my friend....

miss okay...

cmom cmom.... it;s not like the first time people would cross your line mercilessly...
cmom, sabrina, it's A-okay! Put yourself together... get some sleep...
the one thing I couldn't do...is smile... when my heart is aching...
breathe breathe.... I am okay! I am OKAY with everything...
remember what have I learned in the past life...
this is just a piece of cake...
no tears... not hard... no crying... definitely... cannot asma! choi choi choi!
Surrender yourself to God! *waves white flag*



.

You and Me... struggling...

To do the right thing. To obey. To submit to our leaders. To overcome insecurities. To understand. 

To hold on to each other like we have held on for so long up right until now. 

To walk this rocky path together.

It is hard. It feels guilty sometimes. It has never been easy for both of us.

It must have been your determination and encouragement that had keep me going on not giving up on us.

We have flaws, here and there. Nothing much to boast about us being Christians.

There is nothing so perfect about us.

We struggle to like any other young couple would to walk in the way as a Christian should.

And most of the time , I would use all in the name of love then say  'I don't care'!

I want you so badly. I would like to spend most of my time with you.

That is where disobedience comes in I guess.

Its sad to say, that what I'm doing is actually wrong when it seems so comfortable doing it.

I must admit it. And say 'yes', I have done very wrong for all this while.

I cannot hide from the truth.

That we're not allowed to be together yet.

The right time has not come. Parents don't approve.

But we will soon be together as one. 

It has been a beautiful experience being together with you.

All so sweet and bitter at times.

I will definitely miss you oh so close and sticky to me.

No matter what others may say or think about you.

You're always always gonna be so amazingly beautiful, inside and out, to me.

Buckle up!^^ We'll now start a new journey today. To walk right!

 To stay close and uptight with God ya!

I remember how passionate we once was for God.

And you kept me burning even more.

When you say you desire to see a change

It will surely happen someday!

where is the ♥?

Will you ever welcome a stranger with open hands

when you don't even know his or her name

or when they look like aliens from another planet 

giving you confirmations that "hey, they're just not my kind of people"?

Would you throw your hands around someone you know but not yet that close

just because this person wants to be cuddled somehow

and could not find ways to express their inner thoughts but seeking for comfort and care?

Would you go talk to this someone new in your group

just because you are willing to get  to know him or her so badly

and to also let them know how special his or her  presence is to you and friends?

If you ever see someone left out, 

would you pace forth to where she or he is 

to just simply accompany them 

assuring them that they are not alone in this crowd?

Of course this are the tiniest thing that should be taken notice of how you would show love 

to any single person who comes in your way...

But this is also a start to friendship...

I question myself from time to time...

Where is that innocent love, so warm and tender, that has once been shown to many?

Am I just too comfortable with my own group of friends? Couldn't care less about the newcomers?

Or do I have my oh-so-sweet-partner to spend time with? That I forgotten about others?

If I deny all this...

THEN

WHY

IS 

THIS 

GROUP

GETTING

SMALLER

OR

JUST 

STAYING THE SAME AS BEFORE???

Where has your heart gone? Is it meant  to love the ones you are close to only?

Then you and I must be wrong...

because this heart stretches far away...

this heart that beats is able to love many unconditionally..

Just like the heart that Jesus has for many people!

Like an ever flowing river,

pouring with love for the righteous and to the unrighteous...

So love people the way Jesus did and stop loving so stingily and choosy ya! haha!

secrets that I kept...

Not so much of a secret now.... secrets... covering all emotions..all the truth that lies beneath...
sometimes I do felt like I live like a someone who masked all pains perfectly.. very very well...
The fact is... I'm a loner.... haha...sounds a lil awkward... but I am one before and sometimes
it's not completely gone.. the feeling comes back and it's hard to deny that I do feel lonely...

googled loner - A loner is a person who avoids or does not actively seek human interaction or prefers to be alone. There are many reasons for solitude, intentional or otherwise, and "loner" implies no specific cause. 


haha... I google almost everything...


Well , yeah , I am one who avoids people if I can somehow... It's hard for me because I'm really bad at joking stuff
and I'm actually kinda nervous when it comes to having a proper conversation with others.. I'm a lil shy too when it comes to expressing my feelings...


Ever since I was baptize, I claim to be a new person, from the inside and out ^^!
 Slowly learning how to be myself...
and let 'me' be me to make friends. Struggling at first, but it turned out alright. You here, with me, gave me so
much encouragement saying being myself is just beautiful. 


Before having you, if you look around me... there is not many people who are close to me... to be exact..
 there is actually none... Believe me, no one greets me when I passed them by..haha..
if you'd noticed.. no one actually long to sit beside me.. truly, no one.. everyone has got at least one..
 but look here.. I really do have none.. not pitying myself.. seriously, I have none. There was once I begin to think..hey.. whats wrong with me? Am I not good enough? or pretty enough? not smart enough? Everywhere I go...I seem to have no one to be with. I look up at my contacts. Who should I call? call the closest friend I had.
 I try. I've tried... I do try my best...
Once, twice... the third and the fourth...it ends up with a 'sorry, maybe next time we hang out alone'. 
The only ones who wanna go out with me was those guys who wanted my attention and time only willingly say
'yes, I do wanna go out with ya and spend time together'. Friends... are they just some people I know?
 All I need was just one.. one friend... That's all I need... not more than that. Maybe, I suck at making friends...
or I hadn't put in much effort or making sacrifices and stuff.. I really don't know what has gone wrong in me..


Cried out to God at times. I need to know whats wrong with me. His words... over again and again I found
the similar scripture telling me that I was not alone at all... He was with me.. and He was my friend...
tears just poured out... comforted at the same time... there He is! My source of strength! 
I learn to be a good friend to someone who is need rather than searching for a good friend for myself...
I hope to bring along joy,warmth,love to the many friends that I now have. And when I realized that He was
the only best friend that I had, He gave more friends. From time to time, I will remind myself that this friend of mind
is the best of all and none can take His place. Jesus, you are my friend that knows all my secrets... and You're always trying to tell me that You are my friend - whats more to worry!
 Loyal as He is! Loving , caring and look how Gentle He is to my heart!
What a great joy to share to all of you~~~~ >o<!!!~~~~~~~ You could also have this relationship with him!
And then you'll say... Oh gosh, what a good friend He is!

ha..finally...

I felt a sense of relief when I woke up from my afternoon nap just now...
so glad that we're over... sounds so wrong...
but that is the way I feel...
I guess im really not fit for a relationship...
since im overly sensitive going insane most of the time thinking , doubting , feeling insecure and so on..ish!!!
but yet....
 I can still go on secretly seeing you...
even though I know how im breaking every rules and covering every truth just to see you...
.....haiya... been so naughty...
I can go that far... cause you're worth every moment of my life..
I remember everything... every laughter... I keep them under my bed...and now its dusty... ^^
I was lying on my bed praying to God...
Please bring us back to those days when chris and I first met...
Let us felt the same warmth, same love, same security that we once felt...
I want to walk in favor of You...
As I draw closer to you each day, reveal to me what
 must be done...so I'll live according to Your purpose, always...
AMEN! hallelujah!!!!


I gotta study now...exam coming! 

The day I forgot about your bday...

Its Sunday..Its labor day...huh... Monday's a holiday thats all I know...exxxxccitingg~~
I went to church...worship...read Bible... Holy communion... hmm...? I'm wondering... why are we having Holy communion? Oh... Its the first day of the month of May , I guess... hmm... so... its the 1st of May ya...
still, Its like somethings missing... what about 1st of May...what about it ya???
I didn't take much time thinking about it.... all I have in mind was about Ps. Sylvia msg... and kacau-ing cutie yan yan... and why today Chris is sitting so near ( I mean just one big step away from me) to me... well, he doesn't sit so near to me... or maybe I was sitting near to him cause I was sitting at the edge. Hmmm.... now service is over...gossshhh..I still have no idea...
why is CHRIS BUGGING ME A LOT MORE THAN USUAL!!!??
I'm like 'shooh shooh' stop sticking me...
Well, it's not like usual... ughh... I really don't know whats happening... then..

Chris asked me... Hey, Sabrina , are you free afterwards?
I said, ermmm... most probably joining the youth for makan then going for a movie with them...
C: Huh? what movie?
S: thor la...
C: Can ya come to my sis's party at five?
S: Huh? Who's Birthday?
C: erm... my sis celebrating my nephew's birthday...
S: Oh... I ask my mum first okay...
C: ...kay....

this is JUST great...up until now... I still have no idea... that this Sunday was your bday.. Ouh..I'm so dead..

I'm still trying to figure out whats so special about today? 1st of May?
So I tried telling you that I wasn't able to make it for the partyyh...
C: You were shocked... HUH?! seriously ah!
S: ngek ngek... no ah.. bluff you only marh.. ghaha!
C:phewh.... I really want you to come leh..

still blank... why huh? partyy>>>chris house>>>1st of MAY??!! OH MY! its your birthday...
 how could I forget about it... ^^ im super sorry!

I have the best days with you...

I love to daydream in the afternoon...thinking about you & me...
I said , 'hey, guys, duncha think my babies will be sooo~oh~ beautiful? I mean.. they're gonna be soo~ gorgeous
having their daddy's eyes or mine, just think of my baby's skin...nose...lips..and bla and blaa blaah blah!'
friend 1 : eeeeeeee! perasaan!
friend 2 : *looks down* ...ugh...not again...
friend 3 : haha! yea yeah...always ah chris this, ah chris that.. aiyuuh...pening...
wait! I say! they're gonna be chubbily fatty bom bom like their daddy or short & skinny like me when they're a kid huh? watcha guys think neh?



so...watcha think....watcha think!! papa campur mama = muka baby like how ah?

heee heee...*go all shock sendiri*....chuckle chuckle~

----- no response-----

friends 1,2,3 continued doing their h/w ignoring ME! sobs!

I start counting the days...the months..all the time we had together...
suddenly thought of me having emotional moment... and I wonder how I could go on and on..
prison by this insecure feeling that I have..so lets discuss..

friend 2 : you know, guys, it never really happened to me... all I needed , I guess..was..security...above
              everything else... I want to feel safe in any relationships... the warmth... its what I truly needed..
              Maybe that will avoid me from being worried wondering if I'm enough or not...

friend 3 : yeah...I'm afraid to get hurt too.. I rather not continue a relationship feeling so insecure...it's like    
              you've to go through this worrying things that aren't necessary and something that we could prevent..

I nod here..nod nod there.. after all the serious talking.... we laughed it off...by joking about all the handsome
guys that are awaiting for us to be admired... or to be stalked? lol..

I know in my heart, the mistakes that I've done... the path that I've chosen... call us childish or anything...
but they do have some points there... even though we know, of course, there'll be hurts in any relationships...
unless if we're not committed to one another.. but then.. it could always be prevented...if we just try let God
lead you to the right one.. so..here's me...remembering all the days being with you.. praying..hoping.. when time passes it'll prove.. giving confirmations..to us.. how feelings fades away after being blown off by the wind or how time strengthen our love..

The card project!

Cards cards cards! bear cards! hello kitty cards next? I think i'm gonna make many of them. I bought colour papers already. I think i'm quite ready to make them!!! I hope that it would be of a good memory! Hope that it could express out my love to others.  With the help of da cg girls, we created this awesome card for our dear friend!! it was huge!! it only takes 2 hrs or more...haha! great fun!

My bad...

ouhouuu... No time to regret! I must take action. I must make a change. ^.^ I gotta add oil!
I know I've wronged. But I will not let myself feel guilty anymore, instead, thinking of ways to make things
better! and better! I will declare! That God will change me from within! I am gonna be a better person, and treat friends nicer with endless love poured as generous as eva!

FIGHTING!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

My lil sweet encouraging notes!

Greatest 2010 kissmas prezzie ever!! weee!!!

 365 stars rounds up the 365 days in a year...

each one written by the sweetest honey pot with lotsa love & encouragement to share...

all originally written by YOU! proof : base on the hand writings, there's only me who reads it well XP!

wuahahahahhahakakakkakakaklalalalalalaaaa...

My hands were all sweaty. SooOooooOo nervous. They’re giving me a hard time to open the stars because I’m afraid I’ll accidently destroy it. But I manage to do only a little damage and fold it back up after reading the encouragement notes! heeh !

For this year 2011, you say it’ll be tough because I have to really focus on my studies and put our relationship to aside. This very jar of stars is given to me so that I will always know that I’m never going to go through this alone. Each of them really meant a lot to me as they represent the messages that you wanted to tell me. I am so proud to be their owner!

 HERE! here is some of the notes ya written to me...all so powerful... encompass with such encouragement..

puts a wide , wide smile on mah face... was giggling...I felt so loved by God... and His love poured onto me through your acts of gentleness felts so tangible .^^... made tears flow out from my eyes without me noticing it

 star 1#, The race is still long , but He is waiting in the end ..keep your faith …finish the race.

 star 2#, Don’t be shy or think that you would be rejected when you express yourself … someone listens.

 star 3#, The peace of God is given freely all the time, crave for His presence… Rest in Him…

       Hey, this was last year... the first time ever I receive a gift from ya! And it's stick onto my back door!

then another one... hehe... its just too pretty for me to hand it up...

so , I just left it there wrapped in the nice nice green paper... go green! go green wrapper! go green ribbon!

WHY ARE YOU SO THOUGHTFUL!

....heart melt...

as I look at these notes you've wrote on it...

It gave an extra boost to me.. see how positive words works! Very powerful in their own way...

Just like everyone needs in this world...

more love... more encouragement...

so spread it dear! theres so much people have to see in you, which is da light that shines out

the love of Christ. Cheers to ya!

  

I wanna go home...

Dear home, home sweet home... I'm living here in this small four walled room, cram - because my foot only touches the tiles that was built around my bedroom. I look up. Way up to the blue sky... I ask Father, when can I go home. I feel so alone. I feel like theres nobody I can call family. Again and again... I ask Him... take me home , Father. Would you held my hands tight? Cause its a scary place on earth. I have friends. Friends come looking for me when they're in trouble but runs away when I'm in pieces. I go to Church but I can't see you there. Bring me home will ya? When my time comes? The place I had always dreamed when I was a lil child, there , everyone was so happy. There, holds no grudges, no pain found... please take me there...

Run

If there's a plane
Or a bus leaving Dallas
I hope you're on it
If there's a train moving fast
Down the tracks
I hope you caught it

'Cause I swear out there
Ain't where you ought to be
So, catch a ride, catch a cab
Don't you know I miss you bad
But don't you walk to me

Baby run
Cut a path across the blue skies
Straight in a straight line
You can't get here fast enough

Find a truck and fire it up
Lean on the gas and off the clutch
Leave Dallas in the dust
I need you in a rush
So baby run

If you ain't got a suitcase get a box
Or an old brown paper sack
Pack it light or pack it heavy
Take a truck, take a Chevy
Baby just come back

There's a shortcut
To the highway out of town
Oh, why don't you take it?
Don't let that speed limit slow you down
Go on and break it

Baby run
Cut a path across the blue skies
Straight in a straight line
You can't get here fast enough

Find a truck and fire it up
Lean on the gas and off the clutch
Leave Dallas in the dust
I need you in a rush
So baby run

Baby run
Oh, baby run


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhUV6Ofcvr0

Surely, you and I have someone they miss a lot...
Hoping that they could run to you or they're on the way meeting you...
Well, I gotta admit that I miss someone so dearly...
and this song really express how I felt... how I would call out to that person... to run to me as quickly
as he could cause I miss him so much...

Marriage can glorify God!

I feel your love pouring generously onto me even though we're far apart... lol 10km only mar... right?
I felt your gentle caring heart for me...
I felt so happy... I must be so blessed by God to have you by my side...
I went to watch this sermon about the purpose of marriage spoken by Paul Washer..
I pulled my daddy up into my room to watch it with me as I thought it would be great if we learn something
together by watching the video... and I tell you it was AWESOME!!
A new purpose and the right one I had in mind after watching it for 36 minutes twice for the same part...
then... my daddy dose off...haha! so cute! He was really tired yesterday...plus, my comfy cold cold room
made him even more sleepy... So, here's the link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MVdoiw1NTk&feature=related

It's clearly stated in the scriptures in Romans 8:28-29, that God does everything for our own good...
He wants us to be conformed ( just like ) into Jesus, his son!

That particular scripture has everything to do with marriage...
For a man/woman whom has heard the calling of God to love someone, in obedience we will follow
His command. How does marriage works that way? Well, it's God ways of shaping us to be like Him.
Through this covenant that you have made , that is your vows to God which you must keep for as long
as you live will you are able to learn how to love your wife/husband unconditionally.
Sounds like you've done it before, easy huh? It will all be revealed to you when your partner
unfolds its true nature to you - nasty! heh heh heh... Maybe this is how it works, we can't fully understand how God works sometimes or maybe all the time. Jesus, full of mercy,grace and loves unconditionally..
This how God , our Father, wants us to be. We are brought to marriage to whom sometimes doesn't meet your needs , that sometimes doesn't approve of you nor fulfill your conditions of how a wife/
husband should be. This is how we learn. Through the ups & downs, you are bound to stick with your
partner no matter how worst is the situation is. Its how we truly learn to love someone even though sometimes
he/she might be so so unlovable... This is your purpose in life... that is doing the will of God, being more and
more like Jesus! What a great journey we are heading to - marriage!

To all the cry babies in the world...

that is... including me! Crying with all of you , maybe not crying about the same thing...
But still, I'm crying as if I'm really going through a moment in Hell... ahem ahem.. just a moment...
 not for long! Because God is good all the time, merciful as always and knows when we reach our limits..

So, here is something from me to you, a song dedicated for all of you.....
when I was hearing this song, I felt God, our Father in Heaven telling me... to hush, quieting down my cry and to take it easy because He's here to handle things for me, He'll stand by me , on my side forevermore, calling me not to worry anymore. I hope you feel the same way too..

LYRICS:
Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
So if you're mad get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads 
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You feeling all alone
You won't be on your own
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
Oh I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you

------------------------------

Happy Vday!

I'm counting...counting...the days we're apart. WARGGHH! gila lo..

^,< im okay ! Don't worry! I'm just a lil sick and dizzy.

ooo! lookieee!! Happy valentine day in advance! MWUACK! the bear moves! so Q~

I had a thought today. More like a day dream. I dreamed about me having some kind of serious sickness...

And I was about to die in the hospital.... LOL! choi choi choi! XD

So, the doc says I have only a few more weeks to live...

Then, everyone I know came to visit me...aww...so happy..

including you la of course...

I don't know why I have this dream, maybe i'm missing you too much I guess...

or maybe I fever until I have such nightmares.

All I get from this dream is to always cherish someone you loved, because life is so short.

Maybe tomorrow you and I will be gone...

And we wished we weren't apart for so long....wished we were....

together living our life with everyday that counts in the eyes of God...wished we..

have done better... or have done it differently...

or maybe someone you've hold grudges on him/her is gonna disappear all the sudden...

then you realize you should have ask for forgiveness and made some amendments

 if you're able to turn back the time...

hohohou.... sounds like a warning to not waste time emo-ing...

13 days of heartbreaking truth...

What? Only 13days. Wuah... im struggling here like crazy.
As if I need some drugs to go through the day...
haih... Why is it so hard? You may sleep and forget about me tomorrow... but I can't.
 You're stuck on my mind.
Is not such a nice thing. To be in this situation. Even though my schedules are really really packed,
 time passes quickly too, but still whenever I stop for awhile and think of you it feels
 like we've been apart for so so long...
Why am I so tau fu...haih... * so , I googled a pix of a bear crying * very lame... but I got this! cute nia!!

*squeeze squeeze* haha! so chubby la.... *wipes tear*

I should sketch one tomorrow and try to cheer myself up...wee~

The Best days are ahead of me...

Owh! aaahh buu chakk! lalalala~ A new day with loads of homework to do... mwuahahah still got time to blog stuff. Here are the things that had happened.... Just today, I met a new friend.While I was doing my homework, she came to my table and started to talk. Awhh... *touched* fly fly~ It's just like whenever you needed company and you tell God that you felt lonely and then poooff~ someone even more talkative than me is starting a conversation with me...mohohohouu... sweet... that's why only get to finish up physics homework lo... as I was having fun chit-chatting with my new friend.

Then, wun wun surprised me with a question that goes like that,' do you pray at night '. And so I answered YES!
She asked me how do I do it. I told her that you can always talk to God like a normal friend and call Him papa...ops.. feel like its too much... But I was just sharing how I really pray to 'papa'... ^^ He's my Father in Heaven , a perfect papa indeed.

Long time I didn't practice what I've learned... not applying what God's word had thought me.. but God says
that it's never too late to get back on track. Never has anyone gone so far on the wrong path that they cannot return to the right one. Never has anyone become so wayward that they cannot benefit from the true light. 


true..true.. written in the Bible not once but a few times! See how long God's door is open wide for the sinners. He was waiting all along for you & me to repent and go His ways accordingly. 
mwuahhaahha... So, I'm gonna start by doing my devotions... hoh! hoh! hoh! Never had I miss devotions so consistently... lol...  ok! semangat! Lets study God's word... and share them to your neighbors!

I still feel pain actually. Still having a hard time to breathe. Tried to run away. Tired of waking up missing someone so much. Don't want to face it. With tears, I know I still have to walk through this road.
aiyah.. all this emo-ing makes my tummy grumble... hungry~~ eeeheeh!
I'll hold on to God's promises and continue to trust in Him that He had put so many people in my life for a reason. I have to let go and start anew! wheeeeheeh! =D

8.01.2011 litres of tears

oh sweet seventeen... feels like i'm being punished... I don't want this so much. I hardly get to sleep.
No need ya calls and concerns. No need a shoulder for comfort. There's no need any consolations from anyone.

It's like I don't have a choice. Haih... What a life...
I'm pushed to the edge. To a point where I no longer feel scared...
No emotions at all. I'm numb. I don't feel pain. I feel...nothing.
Nothing much to thank what others have done.
And I have not a single appreciation to show, simply because...
I don't get to see the GREAT impact of the everything they had supported me on making such decisions.
When people telling me.. Oh how well after that... telling me they see a better/clearer picture... *snoozed*
Wished I saw it too. But I really don't. Sorry for disagreeing. haha. Maybe later I'll see it and apologies to you again for disagreeing. I really respect what you have to say.

On the outside, I may look so okay with anything or everything.
Oh yes, I am truly like that. But I was wondering, does anyone care sometimes... what It'll make me feel.
Oh yes, I do it with a smile, covering up every heartache of mine. Sometimes, being my best really breaks my own heart but being at my worse breaks others. Holding on to the word of God. Put your priority as others first. Arghh!... failed...

It says that, it's better to have your own heart broken than to have no heart at all. Seeing others disappointments, disagreements and disapprovals without doing anything about it... I would be known as a person who doesn't have a heart at all... I must have a heart... but it cost so much, I'm trying to live with this here. So fed up. So tempted to be rebellious. Being in this kind of condition, how would I be able to care. I'm so sarcastic. I'm living my days like a hypocrite. Wearing only a mask. Haih...
Who doesn't want to be good? If it was so easy... err... it was never is... So, have to put in more effort in it.
Memorizing God's word is always a big big help! Its makes me think what God would have to say or how He would have reacted. That made me feel so proud to have known Him. =D To be able to serve in His temple even though i'm so evil, He was still faithful to me and welcomes me in.

Look here and there. Nobody is around. But I'm glad that ,dear Lord, has always been here by my side cheering me on and He's really a great listener. He never gets bored of hearing me complaint..lalalala... hah!
Love you , Jesus.

There must be tonnes of lovely encouragements and positive stuff to post about life. But thats it. I would be famous for being a liar to write only the ups in life. Just sharing my thoughts here.

In such moments...

when you have to juggle school work, taking care of children, house chores and attending tuition classes all together in both hands. It just seems to me, I'm needing another pair of hands to juggle them well. I look to God, my eyes were wet and my heart was deeply troubled. I began to ask Him, dear Lord, tell me why do I have to go through this again? After all these years, have you not see me weep as though someone close to me had died? And I wonder is He ever working behind the scenes. I feel tired, my shoulders were heavy. My house, the one I used to call it 'home sweet home' isn't the place I want to be since I was a little girl.

Where can I go? What can I do about it? When will all this end?

Kids that I need to take care and handle is not so easy now. I am burden with so many responsibilities

which somehow aren't mine to be carried. What on earth are my parents demanding from me?

Isn't this burdensome enough for me? Where do I stand now? Am I anyhow your own flesh?

I cannot cry. I might get scolding for my sensitive feelings. I've tried my best and if this wasn't enough for you, I tell myself, 'just let it be this way'.

And yet others say that I'm not being helpful enough around in the house.

What can I say? Speak out some filthy words and show them how wrong they are?

Hello? I'm a Christian. I ain't suppose to do that. Even if I can, I'll choose not to.

Not wise , right? So? Do what about it?

Sit down and emo? hah... what's wrong with that eih? Pour it out to God and stay focus on Him.

The tongue is used to bless not curse others. Amen?

I told Him, 'Father, you always remind me that I'm Your beloved child through the Bible, sermons and Your people'. So, I ask for strength to persevere on to be even a better daughter of His creation.

I just went into my room. I shut the door. I sang some worship songs and played my guitar.

I felt and immense relief. As like the day is gonna be fine.

A call came, my brother in Christ just randomly called me and ask how am I doing so far.

I told him I was not okay. He said that he would find others to pray for me.

I'm glad someone just pop in and show me he cares. It feels like Jesus just gave me a call.

Later, I lay down on my bed and slept for awhile.

I on facebook and see what God's message today. heehee! He says...

that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Trust in God that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be. Just as a child has to pass through a tiny channel on its way from the womb into life, so are you on your way to God.

Amazing! I am where I'm meant to be. This road I'm on, nobody understands because it is determine by God.

I'm His child, and I have to pass through this narrow pathway to find out this wonderful life that He has given me. A life that leads you back home to Jesus to have infinite moments with him for eternity.

Sometimes, you're gonna have such bitter moments... Press the break for awhile. Take time to breathe.

And lapse back into your consciousness. There's just so many beautiful things that had happened and are going to happen again in the future. Look back and reflect, you'll feel so blessed.

Counting my blessing!

My friend had just accepted Christ. I jumped like a crazy person and I wanted to cry out of happiness for a new soul has been saved. I was positive that I've done nothing much to impress her about Christianity...

about how amazing it would be to have Jesus Christ as her personal Saviour... and our relationship with Him... for we are called His sons & daughters. 

Certainly, theres nothing I did that made her believe what I was trying to explain.

It was God of course. All glory and praise to Him ya! 

A few days later, I gave her a Bible wrapped and decorated by me.

I was hoping she would love it.

Guess what? She was extremely happy! She saw whats in my heart.

She felt loved. A Bible and a self-made card had made her smile for so long that day.

She told me she wouldn't express it out the way I would. haha... (means she don't jump like crazy lo)

She told me again... 'I'm so happy to receive a Bible today'. 

She took it out from her bag after keeping it inside for some time and show it to me.

She shake the book and say 'yay' in a gentle tone.

Her face was so cheerful that it made me feel so touched by her appreciation.

She reads it at night and she told me she loves reading.

In my heart, I just thank God for answering my prayers.

I am no good at preaching the gospel. I can't really work with words. But just let God help that part for you.

Say a prayer before doing anything. Have faith in Him, that you trust. Let him guide you all the way. 

Go! And tell your friends & also stranger about this mighty God!

He is utmost importance...

Let God be the center of everything...Let God be the center of our lives for me & you. We love because He has first loved us. We know what is love when we first know that God is love.

And I see no wrong in loving my dearest ones.

In any way I express, no matter how ridiculous or to the extreme extend

until people might say that is not practical.

haha! whatever that is... I'm really conscious that my heart is only filled with love and all I want to give

is love to others. So, lets not care what others might say.

As long as we know we're doing the right thing, we'll just ignore them. ngek ngek...

theres a time when I care so much of what others think and of what their advise might be for us....

I sincerely care. I really do. Up until a point, I rather give up my own happiness just to go their ways.

ahahaha... of course I felt so sick after that and then broke my promises to them.

Hey! Where does God stands now?

I was so blind and I realize that I left God out of the situation.

I should have focus more on how He might think or feel.

So, I spend time with my Father and ask what He thinks...*giggles*

I can't hear His audible voice but I'm sure He'll give me some answers in another form.

To find the perfect answer and the right one... seek God not man.

Wait upon Him and He shall show you what to do!

feels like my bloggie really doesn't suit for other people to read...

.

yeah, its actually dedicated for someone special to read.

But its for other readers too! If you can bear with me all those geli stuff that I wrote T.T

haha... my apologies ya..